A Day in the Life of a 30-Something Girl

5:00 am:
Don’t even need an alarm. I stumble to the coffee pot and just dump … no measuring. I need an IV. I hate mornings. As I look in the mirror I say to myself, “Today’s gonna be my day. Today’s gonna be THE day. Show Time Folks”5:15 amJump on the computer and try to blog. What I want to say doesn’t sound nearly as interesting at 5 am as it did yesterday at 5 pm. So I just go read everyone else’s blog. Need more coffee. Smoke a cigarette, think about peoples lives that I read about on their blogs. I wonder if they are happy, what they are like. I laugh at the comments left on my blog. Check my email. Answer CJ and ponder while knocking back coffee.

6:30 am:
Done with 4 cups of coffee, blog reading, finished the newspaper and read a sex column in my new Cosmo. Time to get in the shower. I hate mornings. I especially hate cold mornings. I turn the space heater on high and aim towards the shower….

7:45 am:
Calling all girls… Goose to the bus, Twins in the car, jackets, book bags, poster board, lunch money, permission slips, check, check, check. Let’s go. “Taylor, NO you may not take your fish to school. I don’t care if the letter of the week is “F” …where the heck is my keys.

8:00 am:
All girls out the door. Let’s see… coffee, organizer, cell, netflicks, workout clothes, knee brace, nail polish, make-up. I’m good. Ummm keys?

8:15 am:
ALL GIRLS OUT THE DOOR. Re-do shoes that Syd put on the wrong feet. Taylor tried to do her own hair after I already fixed it. Damn… forgot to let the dog out. Cell is ringing - it's low maintenance, “Yes I will stop and get you some Tab” Who the hell drinks tab anyway? I know - that's just really negative and rude) Found keys!! Dog back in, doors locked, let’s go.
8:20 am: Sitting in the carpool line. “Sydney please do not cry. We can think of something that you can take to school that starts with L…. I grasp at straws to ward off a brewing temper fit “I’ve got it! How about your lips?” Success!

8:25 am:
Peace and quiet in my car. It’s time to get my bitch on. I think I’ll listen to a little Ferge. Since I’m a great multi-tasker, my 10 minute drive to work consists of doing the make-up, fussing with the hair, re-painting one of my nails, and fantasizing about …. Damn. I am at work. Forgot the Tab.

9:00 am:
Got the Tab, finally found a parking space, Cute UPS guy flirts with me, I flirt back. Sink into my chair at work... I need coffee

9:15 am:
Balls to the walls at work. I am one week away from the Awards Banquet. I am flying 150 top sales people in. I’m making flights, hotel arrangements, seating charts, presentations, menu selections, choosing photographer, pairing up roommates, sending out memos, and on and on and on and on. Bruce needs his tux picked out, I arrange for lunch to be brought in for a meeting. Frustrated with work. Tried to refrain from pulling out all of my hair by banging head on desk. I listen to some of my hoochies and the great drama in their life (my favorite parts of the day). Damn, it’s after 5:00 pm.

5:30 pm:
Change, go tan, then work out in gym. I keep telling myself “There’s no such thing as natural beauty. Tan fat is prettier than white fat, I am 30-something, after today I am one day older…. This is my prime”

6:45 pm:
Bill Clinton has the girls at softball practice. Goose is at the gym. I walk in and I fix a bowl of cereal for dinner and agonize over the fat and calorie content. End up dumping it in the trash.

7:00 PM:
Cell phone rings. Low Maintenance on the phone … “yes, I took care of it, yes, I’ve got it handled. Yes, I am picking you up in the morning. Already done and on your chair, Yeah Yeah you too… good night.”

7:30 pm: Girls walk in, we take a bath, brush teeth, use the blue stuff to see where they missed, brush again, use the pink stuff to prevent cavities, watch American Idol, read a story, look at school work from today, pick up Goose from Gymnastics, do a load of laundry, talk to my mom, check in on my sister, a Hoochie calls me on my cell and tells me she had great sex with this guy she’s been seeing. I wonder what that’s like? I want good sex. All girls to bed, it’s after 10:00 pm.

10:30 pm:
I walk into the bedroom after doing the laundry, Bill Clinton is sound asleep. Sigh… guess I’ll go downstairs and watch TV. Check my cell phone – I have a text msg, I get a glass of wine…


11:00 pm:
Still chatting and it’s getting hot in here. I guess there’s nothing wrong with a little texting. Another glass of wine. Watch my recorded Grey’s Anatomy. I cried and cried. Not for Grey, but for McDreamy. I want to be loved like this. Time for bed. I lay there and think Bill Clinton and I are on two different planets. I rustle and scoot around to see if he’ll wake up. I am miserably married. How long will I do this? Does he even know I exist? I start to get upset; I mean damn… HAVE SOME STANDARDS. Depressed I grab my romance novel and my reading light. I cocoon myself deep into my nest of expensive sheets, my down comforter and soft pillows. I cry and read myself to sleep. “Tomorrow will be different” I promise myself.



5:00 am:
Don't even need an alarm. I stumble to the coffee pot and just dump...no measuring